Goodbye, Farewell, and Amen…

This blog was created to bring a little more joy into the world for anyone who may read it. This week I’m going to fail because I have lost a friend who was diagnosed around the same time I was. I’ve written about him before and I always believed his recovery was going to be the mountain I helped move. His passing has hit me hard and sparked a lot of questions about where I stand with God. Is my faith not strong enough? Why would a young husband and father, who loved his family so much, be taken before me? What does God have planned for me?

A good portion of this week’s post is dedicated to music because I find so much relief in the melody and words. The first song that came to mind (and that I asked Pandora to play) was MercyMe‘s I Can Only Imagine. It’s been included several times in the year+ that I’ve been writing this blog and I’m sure it won’t be the last because this was the first song I heard after I was told that I didn’t have long to live. I pray that Darin listened to it and found the peace that I still do every time I hear it.

Since I found out Tuesday that Darin wouldn’t be reading my blog anymore, I’ve been shedding a lot of tears. These are tears for someone I never met in person and never got to “speak” with because we could only communicate via messenger. Amy and I were in the process of planning a vacation to Montana this summer to meet him and his family. When I wrote him about our plans, he was very excited. As I think about that trip, I realize I’m not crying for him – I’m crying for me. Toby Keith sang a song about his good friend, Wayman Tisdale.

Here are a couple of pictures of Darin and his beautiful family. I can’t look at them and not feel some amount of happiness in those energetic smiles, even while my heart hurts from the loss of a good man, taken far too soon.

Brad Paisley‘s When I Get Where I’m Going tells of getting to Heaven where you can spread your wings and fly. Darin, you’re free of this disease now, my friend. Spread your wings and know that we’ve got things covered down here and we’ll be joining you in good time.

I also follow Kerry Goode, a former Alabama and NFL running back, who has had Lou Gehrig’s disease since 2015. A knee injury prevented him from being one of the best running backs in Alabama history, but ALS hasn’t stopped him from being a very talented writer. Every week I look to him for a good laugh at ALS (and himself). This last week he changed courses on me and posted this:

A Message From Me to You

Today is one of the hardest days I’ve had in a long time. I don’t know if it was the dream I had last night or the reality I woke up to this morning, but something hit me deep. I’m fighting through a heaviness that I can’t shake, and I need to be honest about it.

I feel depressed in a way I’ve never experienced before. It’s a kind of loneliness that sits in the soul, even when people are around. Unless someone lives this battle every single day, it’s impossible to understand the emotional toll it takes just to keep going. I fight like hell, every day, only to watch my physical condition continue to decline. And today, that truth hurts more than usual.

I know things can get better. I know this moment won’t last forever. But right now is all I can see, and right now feels like a deep pit. I finally understand what depression really is and the cloud it casts over everything. The emotional pain is something I never imagined I would feel.

I’m doing my best to look toward heaven, even when my head feels too heavy to lift. I’m asking for your prayers—not out of weakness, but because I need every bit of strength I can get. I appreciate every person who holds me up, even quietly.

Tanja sees me every day, but she has no idea how deep this pit is. I don’t want to burden her with all of it, but I also can’t pretend I’m not struggling. So I’m saying it plainly: I need prayer. I need covering. I need someone to whisper my name in their quiet time.

If you’re reading this, I’m asking you to lift me up. I’m fighting, but today the fight is heavy. And I don’t want to face it alone.

If you want to find joy in a bad situation, he is a great example of how to do it. I highly recommend you check out his page.

Almost every week I lose someone who I’ve come in contact with through various Facebook ALS pages. Most of those are people who reach out with simple questions, asking for prayers, sharing encouragement, and occasionally calling me a scam artist. Over the last couple of years, I’ve learned to deal with all of that pretty well.

Darin was different because he always showed me his heart, his love for his family, and his desire to be there for them. He inspired my “hard talk” with Amy about my wishes for the future. During that conversation (which happened where all difficult topics should be discussed… the hot tub), I confessed to her that I’m really not afraid to die and that I actually look forward to what Heaven has in store for me. What I am scared of, is going to Heaven without her.

I found this song by Nate Smith that reminded me of that exchange. I’d like to think that that Darin felt the same way…

A final thought that I shared with Amy that night was that no matter what, I would always be there for her. I strongly believe that my love for her won’t stop when my heart does. It lives on in all the memories we’ve built together, all the places we’ve visited together, and all the relationships we’ve formed together. Though we have our own lives, we have always been better, together! I feel the same is true of Darin. The last three years have been so incredibly hard for all, but together they have gotten to this point. His heart may have stopped but his love is carried on in all of us who had the privilege to know him. He never failed to express his appreciation and love for his family for caring for him through the worst of times.

The title of today’s post comes from the final episode of M*A*S*H. So, for this week, I say:

Goodbye… for now, my friend. We will meet again one day.

Farewell… on this new journey, free of the illness that bound you here.

Amen… so it be…your time in Heaven has begun. (Save us all a spot!)

Find joy wherever you can, then share it.

And tell someone every day that you love them.

God bless.

Coach