Faith?

This blog is about faith but that doesn’t mean it’s about “religion.” I’ve had more than a handful of people tell me that they haven’t read my blog yet because they’re not religious or they don’t believe in God. Some of these are my very good friends that I’ve known for decades. My response is that the blog is not about what you do or don’t believe in, it’s about joy and where I find it while dealing with such a dark diagnosis.

This entry is titled “Faith” because it’s something we all have whether we realize it or not. You have faith when you sit on a chair, trusting that it will support your weight. You have faith when you drive over a bridge, trusting that it won’t crash into the river with 100 other cars. You have faith that when you board your flight, you’re going to make it to your destination (may not the best of weeks for that analogy). I have faith that when I watch the sun set each evening, it will rise again in the morning and I’ll have the opportunity to see it.

For me, faith and joy go hand in hand. Because of the natural and material things that always surround me, I can find joy each and every moment of the day. This week I’ve been greeted by the most beautiful sunrises, had great days at school with the kids, and returned each night with faith that all the modern technology will feed me, entertain me, and keep me warm until the next sunrise…when I’ll do it all again. I even have the utmost faith that Amy will end each night with a kiss and “I love you.”

For anyone who thinks they will be judged by me for their spiritual faith, or lack thereof, nothing could be further from the truth. Judgment of anyone, much less my friends, is way above my pay grade and more burden than I could ever bear. If I’m lucky enough to call you a friend, then I accept you as you are, and hope that you do the same for me (most of you know I need grace much more than I do judgment). We are all vastly different, yet we manage to coexist with love and harmony, at least most of the time. We all depend on each other for just about everything in our daily lives.

My father-in-law (shown above), who I loved dearly and miss daily, used to love to say, “If it’s meant to be, it’s meant to be.” He managed the office at our horse boarding facility, Double Lucky Ranch, making sure we kept the wheels on the tractor and shoes on the horses. He always had an upbeat attitude at the toughest of times (there were a lot in that business), and we’d often disagree about his saying. I would counter with, “If it’s meant to be, it’s up to me.” And then get back to work.

As I look back at those times, I’m beginning to think he was probably more right than I was. We lost him before he learned the depth of my faith. The only insight he ever discovered about this part of my past was when he drove my F450 one day and Tracy Lawrence‘s album “The Rock” was playing in the CD player. One of my favorite songs from the album mirrors my work ethic and you can find it below (sorry it’s duplicative to an earlier blog, I just really like the message in the song).

A bit of history… I grew up in the Church of Christ in Oklahoma and Kansas. Life in that church wasn’t exactly like that in the movie Footloose, but it was close. It was a very strict biblical church that left little room for varying interpretation. When I was a senior in high school, a couple of things happened in the church that caused me to turn away from it and my faith. I spent the next 30+ years with my back turned away from the way I was raised, believing I was bulletproof and could do it all on my own. Even Amy had no idea of my upbringing in the church or my faith in God, both of which I had buried deep and silent inside of me. It wasn’t until we’d been together for over 10 years that we set foot in the “beautiful white church” just down the road from our new house. We heard a great lesson that brought a two thousand year old book to life, making it real and relevant in today’s world. Thus started my/our journey back to faith.

So how does all this relate to me living with Lou Gehrig’s disease? When you’ve been told you have a horrible, incurable, terminal disease and only two to three years to live, there aren’t a lot of places to turn. Science and modern medicine offer no hope. I feel greatly blessed that we began our trek back to faith years before this diagnosis. Giving up and giving in just isn’t in the cards for me. I wanted to fight and the first thing that came to mind inspired the name of this blog:

On day one post-diagnosis, I knew I had to lean into these words and really test my faith. I had to adjust my prayers to be more about me, which I found very selfish and hard to do.

For those who don’t share this faith, that’s okay. I appreciate your time. I promise not to judge you, and ask the same in return. I value your friendship. I will always be there for you as you have been for me. And most importantly… I love you.

There is so much more to write on this topic, but I have faith that I am going to have many more years to share my thoughts.

Thank you all for hanging in there with me and for accepting me for who I am. I love you all for exactly who you are and hope to bring a little joy into your lives. Good thoughts, good vibes, and well wishes are still being accepted along with all those prayers.

Sending you on your way today with “Need a Favor” by Jelly Roll. The words say it all.

Have a great weekend. God bless.

Coach